Standing up

It's a brand new week! I am at home with Ruben again, just two of us. He has learnt to stand up on his hold with support from, anything! First it was his playpen, then it was his cot. He even tried to stand up by pushing both his hands on my tummy while I was lying beside him on our bed. It turned out that I am not that fat (yet, sigh) that he could stand up from there. He could only make a 'n' shape. His curiosity amazes me and he is fearless, which worries me quite a bit.

I have not been feeling well since yesterday. I think I might have caught the flu bug.

What is down there?

It was Friday afternoon when Ruben finally managed to stand up in his cot by pulling himself up from the top of the cot. Slowly (and unsteadily), he managed to straighten his legs and stood up. The next thing he did made me jumped out of the chair I was sitting on. He had peered over the cot, like he was looking for something on the floor. My heart missed many beats, I was so afraid that he would tumble over. At the back of my mind, he had already started crying in pain. That evening, papa came home and lowered the cot. Silly Ruben, now both cot and playpen have been lowered. Goodbye view.

Presenting our dearest baby

Today is THE day. I was supposed to be at the delivery ward at 7am. The night before was so long, I dont think I slept half a wink. I was just counting down to the time I could 'get up and get ready' to go to the hospital. We had arranged for a cab to pick us up from home. I remember the journey to the hospital, it was all so strange and unreal, almost surreal. I held hands with Friso throughout the journey. I dont think we talked much. I had very mixed feelings. On one hand, I was glad that every discomfort that I was experiencing will be over soon. On the other hand, I was full of worries and anxieties. I didnt know if I could handle the whole delivery process. I was so afraid of the delivery itself that I had managed to skip all the videos on the delivery process, at least the main and final part. I had read up about it but exactly how it is to be done, I was not really sure. I just hoped that someone there will guide me to the next step so I can just do it and not be nervous about it.

We reached the delivery ward at around 6am. The staff at the delivery ward were very patient and friendly. Most importantly, they looked and sounded like they have done this many times. I felt safe. I was given a brief explanation of the process and the process started with me getting my bowels cleared. I was given something to clear my bowels. It was so disgusting. I was told to hold my bowels for 10 minutes after getting something injected in my anus. Well, 20 seconds was all I could hold before.. nevermind. I was then put on a drip to induce contractions. At around 9am, Dr Chia arrived and checked my dilation. I remember it was not very different from the 1cm I had since a week before. After she left, I spent the time resting and chatting with Friso. Not long after, Dr Young arrived to give me the epidural. That was disgusting too. Having my spine poked and running cold epidural liquid through it. It was expectedly painful and lengthy a process but I managed to take my mind somewhere else, leaving my body behind to suffer on her own. I felt slightly better. Once the epidural set in, I did not have that much pain from the contractions. When the contractions became stronger and I could not take it, I was given a higher dose of the epidural. The epidural made me sleep. I only woke up when the contractions were more than what the current dose of epidural could handle. At around 11am, Dr Chia arrived and burst my waterbag - when I was still half asleep! I was so shocked when I felt a fountain coming out from me. I thought I was dreaming. It was not painful, just awkward. I continued with my sleep as my eyelids were so heavy. I remember Friso telling me that he will be going out for lunch and will be getting a book. He seemed to be away for a long time. I woke up a few times and did not see him. My favourite taiwanese show was on tv but I could not stay awake to watch it. I remember it was Lin Shuhua and her old man husband walking in the park, or was it along the river? Anyway, I was glad to see Friso back. He had a coffee with him. He told me he had thai food for lunch and went shopping in the bookshop.

At around 2pm, Dr Chia arrived and checked my dilation. She then exclaimed - I am going to deliver you! Every particle in me woke up. It was all happening! I was so scared, I remember being very cold all of a sudden and couldnt pronounce most of the words properly anymore. The staff in the delivery room started getting ready for the delivery. Everything and everyone was moving. Friso tried to talk to me but I was shivering so badly I couldnt reply to him. The staff taught me how and when to push. I tried a few times and was told that I was doing it wrong. I continued practising it with the staff. One of them told me that when the baby is descending, I will feel like I need to pass motion and indeed, I felt like I needed to go to the toilet to take a dump! It was a joyous moment as I realized that our little boy was cooperating with us, and not letting his mama suffer for too long. The excitement quickly turned to panic when I found the need to pass motion getting stronger and Dr Chia was not in the room. She had left to check on another patient. I was worried that she wont be there on time for me if I deliver too soon so I pretended to continue pushing with the staff.

After what took like half a year, Dr Chia came back and was in her gown. She wasted some time discussing glove sizes with one of the staff while I just looked at them, amused by their insensitivities. Here, someone with a gaping hole is lying vulnerably on the bed, her whole body feeling distorted. It was about 2:20pm when Dr Chia sat down in front of me. I started pushing when the staff told me to, and I felt Dr Chia's hands in me! After several pushes, and one FINAL push with Dr Chia's hands expanding every part of me, Ruben was born at 2:46pm!

Friso was asked to cut the umbilical cord. The staff then took Ruben away and put him in a see-through tub. He was checked and poked while Friso was busy taking photos of him. I was just being sewed, and feeling every single poke of the needle and pull of the thread. That procedure took another half a year. It was so lengthy and painful.

We were then moved to the normal ward. I was first transferred to a moving bed with Ruben lying beside me. Friso was following behind with all our stuff as we were wheeled out of the delivery ward. I felt great! I was so happy that the delivery process ended!

Our next few days in the hospital were kind of fun. We learnt how to be parents and when we were helpless (quite often), we pressed a bell and the nurse came and helped out. The first thing I noticed about Ruben was, while carrying him in the middle of the night, he didnt look at me in the eyes, he kept looking behind me. It was kind of spooky. Then I realized that newborn babies were not able to focus and it will take some time before their vision improves.


All in all, the stay in the hospital was a great one. Food was great, staff were great, room was 5-star, and we got our lovely baby out!